


Heaven's a Heartbreak away

by baekkieony



Series: Drowning Alive [20]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), YHNEXT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Heavy Angst, I Ship It, I'm Sorry, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sad Ending, Sadstuck, Tragic Romance, Unrequited, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, With A Twist, hanahaki, i definitely need a hanahaki tag, painful crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 22:07:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekkieony/pseuds/baekkieony
Summary: The only day Xukun ever regretted was the day when he met Zhu Zhengting.





	Heaven's a Heartbreak away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zhujungjungting (runswithchopsticks)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/runswithchopsticks/gifts).



> The title's stolen from Justin Biebers "let me love you". I apologise in advance for the angst.

Xukun was lying on his bed, head cocked to the side and mustering a concentrated Zhengting, tongue stuck between his teeth and eyebrows furrowed together, typing away on his laptop.

Slowly, almost painfully slow, Xukun reached out and softened the scowl on Zhengting's forehead, gently stroking with his thumbs over the line on his skin and making it appear smooth again.

 _Smooth_. What a nice word. Almost as nice as Zhengting, the self-claimed Mr. Nice. He used that description way too often to even be accurate anymore, because who felt the need to tell everyone about being so nice when the biggest part of being nice was **not** telling anyone about your qualities to make them feel better. Or at least that's what Xukun liked to believe, because it made him feel better when he was being nice.

But back to the topic. Xukun was now taking his thumb away from Zhengting's forehead, smile soft. Zhengting looked up and beamed at him, eyes practically sparkling as they always were.

"Oh, thank you Xukun, I didn't notice me scowling again. You're such a great best friend!"

Xukun's smile only turned a little bit pained when he heard the word "friend".

~*~

It had most likely started the day Cai Xukun met Zhu Zhengting and he knew he was whipped the moment Ziyi had to wake him out of staring weirdly for almost twenty minutes straight at the new (and illegally attractive) boy sitting two rows away, actually paying _attention_ to their arts prof.

Or was it the moment when he personally talked to Zhengting later, in the coffee shop when he had spilled his entire coffee over _him_ and was apologizing for his life, because he couldn't leave a bad impression on this _snack_ ™.

Or was it the moment when Xukun saw him dancing for the first time, getting lost in the music and Xukun getting lost in the way his body was able to twist in positions he would never be able to achive.

But let it be yesterday or maybe already a year ago when he noticed that he may had a small crush on Zhu Zhengting, because everything was perfect about him and Xukun was stunned how someone with such a small body posture could contain so much energy.

(Not that Zhengting was small in general - he was taller than Xukun, but he liked to keep that a secret - especially not in the important parts (and yes, he had seen it)).

But all those things kind of hurt to admit, just because of the problem that his crush now became realer than ever before and he wasn't ready for this, not a single bit.

~*~

The painful point at crushing on someone wasn't the possibility of getting rejected, but the possibility to loose someone forever as a friend when it didn't work out.

But maybe Xukun was just overthinking the whole situation again, like he always did when he was stressed and had a gay crisis, just like _now_.

And it was all just because of that stupid Zhu Zhengting who decided to start running around shirtless in their shared apartment. And while he was currently whining at Ziyi about that, the man only smiled almost as pained as Xukun when he listened to Xukun whining in a high pitched voice about Zhengting's abs.

~*~

Xukun was alone in their shared apartment again, Zhengting was out to party the night away again - as he always did on weekends.

Xukun had told Zhengting to cut it down a bit enough times, but when he was met with a wall of stubbornness, he gave up trying and retreated to spending his fridays and saturdays alone.

And while he could always call Ziyi, he never did, because he spent his nights drawing Zhengting (wasn't hard as an arts major) in all beautiful ways, even though he preferred him under a starry night the most.

Xukun was currently finishing the last line of his drawing from tonight; Zhengting looking ethereal in the way the drawn stars shone down on him, when he heard the "click" of the door being unlocked.

The door opened to reveal a drunk Zhengting, dragging a beautiful and skinny woman behind and Xukun only silently cleared the light streaming from the small lamp in the corner of their also small living room, but the two one-night lovers didn't notice him anyway and Xukun also felt small when they kissed their way to the bedroom.

Oh, yeah, he forgot to mention that: the worst part about having a crush on Zhu Zhengting was that he was _straight_.

Xukun had his doubts that Zhengting had heard him crying to sleep that night, because the tissues on his nightstand in the morning were adorned with a note "meet me in the kitchen" and a smiley face and when he entered the kitchen there was no one but Ziyi.

~*~

When Zhengting introduced him to that exact beautiful, black haired woman from that night two months later, telling him that they were happily together for a month now, Xukun wished them all his best; but when he turned around to hide his tears, his smile looked pained and his heart only broke a little.

~*~

When he vomitted the first petal into the sink, it was covered with blood and without thinking about it twice, he hid it in the side pocket of his jacket, because he hadn't locked the door and Xukun wasn't ready to tell Zhengting yet (and he kind of knew he would never be).

 _Hanahaki_.

The oh so romantic sounding disease of dying because you love someone too much.

So he decided not to tell Zhengting (ever).

So he hid the single petals at every possible moment, coughing them into his hands while eating, sneakily making them disappeared into thin air aka. his pockets.

But when they became swarms of petals covered in blood, he didn't know what to do anymore.

~*~

They say it's beautiful to die from love, but Xukun thought they left out the part with the love being _unrequited_.

There were tales and stories of people dying of a broken heart and even though Hanahaki wasn't directly the same, Xukun thought overwise, because dying from loving someone too much and only because that love is unrequited also breaks you heart, because it's nothing better than a rejection from your love.

~*~

When Xukun visited his doctor for an appointment, they informed him about the OP for Hanahaki and Xukun listened attentively, but immediately shut out when he heard that he could never love Zhengting again.

He shook his head. No way was that an option then.

He made another appointment with the doctor anyway, but he didn't wrote himself a reminder for it.

~*~

It had been getting worse the last week. He was now coughing up two or more flowers at once, bloody and he could almost feel the thorns piercing into his lungs. It became harder to hide it from Zhengting and while Ziyi has caught him over the toilet once or twice by now, he never asked who the person was (or maybe Ziyi never asked because he knew it anyway and was coughing up a single petal himself behind his hand in that exact moment).

But this exact morning, it was particularly worse. He had to drag himself to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before he vomitted a whole swarm of flowers into the pot.

Disgusted and disappointed, he stared down at the bloody mix and he hated himself for falling for Zhu Zhengting, the boy who broke his heart in a heartbeat without even noticing that he was needed to stitch it up again, so it kept falling apart.

Zhengting, on the other side, woke up from the heavy vomiting noise coming from the bathroom (which was directly next to his room) and he sat up straight, having heard that noise from himself too many nights.

He quickly gathered who it could be puking his guts out over there and when he counted down from friends he knew to Xukun, he stopped at Xukun.

Xukun, it could only be Xukun. Panic shot through his veins, making him awake in seconds, before he stormed through his door, ripped the bathroom door open and found Xukun hanging over the toilet lifelessly, almost like he had fainted.

When Zhengting rushed over to Xukun, who had lifted his bloody face slightly when he heard the door open and was now smiling tiredly at Zhengting, was definitely more than concerning Zhengting, because blood never meant something good.

Kneeling down on the cold floor sprinkled with blood, Zhengting took Xukun's head who was seconds away from sagging into the toilet and held it upwards, pale skin even paler against the neon light.

" _Zhengting_ " Xukun managed to press out between his teeth and somehow a soft smile, before he turned his head in Zhengting's hands to the toilet bowl again, only to make Zhengting witness Xukun coughing a swall of bloody flowers into the toilet.

 _Hanahaki_.

Xukun would like to laugh at Zhengting's shocked facial expression, because it must be the exact same as he had when he had noticed it, but there was nothing funny about the situation.

"How-you, why-, who?", was all that Zhengting managed to stuttert out, before he added something in a more stable voice. "And _how long_?".

Xukun only smiled up at him exhausted.

"About half a year"

Zhengting seemed to be shock at the fact that he realized that this was most likely Xukun's last day on earth. He had never noticed it, never, but what could have he done if he _had_!

"Zhengting, stop, I can practically see you feeling guilty. You need to stop feeling guilty about something you could have never changed and that's why I didn't tell. I didn't want you to be worried"

Zhengting was speechless, but it filled the silence between them nicely.

"But, who?"

Xukun's smile turned strained, but in only seconds his face was even again, even though Zhengting still noticed and for one second, the thought that it was him ran through his mind but it was so _ridiculous_ , he forgot it the second he thought it.

"Doesn't matter anymore"

A tear was running down Zhengting's face, because his best friend was dying, dying right now and here and it felt so impossibly unreal that he hoped to wake up every second, because this was all just a very bad dream.

But when he gently touched Xukun's face, running his fingertips over the tear streaks adorning it, his fingers were wet and he knew he wasn't dreaming (sadly).

He was fully crying when he managed to press out the words.

"You're too young to say goodbye"

Xukun smiled softly at that.

"Heaven was only a heartbreak away anyway"

And Zhengting almost looked confused at that, because he didn't understand; never did.

When he closed his eyes, he almost dreaded the end and he could hear Zhengting crying in the background of his head, voice even sounding so angelic when he was sad.

[...]

When Ziyi went to the apartment that morning, he opened the door (he had a key) to an seemingly empty apartment. It kind of concerned, because it was too quiet for their own good and when he made his way into it and listened closely he could he hear sobs coming from the bathroom and "Xukun" shot through his head.

He could only hope that the boy hadn't done any bullshit (which he doubted, because Xukun was always the one who got himself into trouble the most time), but the sobs only getting louder and louder also made the adrenaline rushing through his veins.

He ran straight to the bathroom, door wide opened already, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a crying Zhengting sitting on the floor, holding a dead Xukun in his arms, face buried into his shoulder.

And Ziyi sighed, a tear slipping down his face and he silently vomitted a flower in his hand, knowing it wouldn't be his last, because _his_ love was lying on the cold stone floor


End file.
